Raising your standards in relationships can feel like a tricky topic. Many people worry they’ll seem too picky, while others fear settling for less and ending up miserable. But here’s what you need to understand, setting and sticking to your standards isn’t about being picky.
It’s about knowing your worth and aligning with what truly fulfils you. When you raise your standards, you’re not being difficult, you’re protecting your peace, your energy, and your future.
The last thing you want is to look back and realise you’re living a life of misery that could’ve been avoided. All it takes is the courage to believe your standards aren’t too high. Remember If you don’t set the standard for how you deserve to be treated, who will?
Raising Your Standards Isn’t About Entitlement
When we talk about how to raise your standards in relationships it’s important to clarify, it’s not about thinking you’re better than anyone else. True confidence and self-worth come from a place of humility and self-awareness. It is a common misconception that people must treat you a certain way. When you love yourself and know your true worth you don’t feel the need to force anyone to treat you how you deserve to be treated but you are simply able to let go and walk away from people who do not serve you and align with you. It’s about recognising the value Allah has given you and refusing to settle for relationships that don’t reflect mutual respect and care. It’s not about expecting perfection from others but about expecting effort, respect, and alignment with your values.
The Way You Treat Yourself Sets the Tone
If you want to raise your standards in relationships, it starts with how you treat yourself first. You can’t expect others to treat you with love and respect if you don’t first embody those qualities yourself. When you carry yourself with dignity, speak kindly to yourself, and honour your own boundaries, you naturally teach others how to treat you.
If you’re constantly belittling yourself, accepting poor treatment, or doubting your worth, it becomes easy for others to mirror that energy. When you carry yourself with confidence, grace, and self-respect, people notice. You naturally set an unspoken standard for how you deserve to be treated. This video on raising your standards is extremely insightful and helps to understand how and why we may have low standards.
People will look at how you carry yourself and it’s a reflection of how people think they should treat you. This is why you find people say ‘looks do matter” cause they do! When you invest in yourself make sure you leave the house with ironed clothes, and a clean face and you put yourself together, people can see that you’re a person who respects yourself as you look after yourself and so end up treating you accordingly. Same with how you treat others. When you lack respect for other people and treat others in a belittling way that energy reflects and people can see it. It lowers your vibration so people won’t feel the need to respect you, furthermore, you will repel high-vibe people that you actually want to have in your life.
Practical Tips:
- Speak to yourself with kindness and affirmation. Your inner dialogue shapes your outer reality. Avoid saying things like “Ugh I’m so dumb” when making a mistake it may seem small but trust me it has a bigger impact than you think. my self-compassion guide can help if you’re struggling with this.
- Invest in your personal growth—spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Investing in yourself is one of the biggest investments you will ever make. You teach yourself and others that you are worth looking after and you naturally become the person you are working towards becoming. And reaching your highest yourself.
- Practice self-care that nurtures your body, mind, and soul. Do I even really need to explain this?? Self care is so therapeutic and is one of the best ways to honour yourself.
“Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” – (Quran 13:11)
How to Raise Your Standards in Relationships
Understand Your Worth
Knowing your worth is vital if you want to raise your standards in relationships. When you know your value you don’t settle for less and you will naturally attract people who align with your energy.
When I say know your worth I don’t mean you are worth things of monetary value. I mean understand the worth that your energy brings to people. Especially as a feminine energy being your energy lights up other people and makes them feel good about themselves. It’s a lot deeper than just being “that girl” your energy holds a lot. Learn more about embracing your feminine energy in this blog post. When you protect your peace and raise your vibration, you’ll show up better for yourself and others.
When you protect your peace and raise your vibration, you’ll show up better for yourself and others. The less you protect it the more it devalues and you won’t be able to show up for yourself and others in the best way possible. Remember that God has blessed you and it’s not that you don’t have value now, it’s that you haven’t realised it yet. Start honouring yourself in the way that you should. My blog post “Girl Get Up and Love Yourself” can help you.
Identify What You Truly Want in a Relationship
Many people enter relationships without knowing what they truly want or need. However, understanding these differences is important for setting healthy standards. I can’t tell you what things that you want and the things that you need as this differs for everyone.
There’s a big difference between what you want and what you require in a relationship.
- Wants are things that would be nice to have, like shared hobbies or thoughtful gestures. They’re appreciated, but they’re not essential for the relationship’s success.
- Requirements are non-negotiable. These are the things you need to feel happy, safe, and fulfilled. Without them, the relationship won’t work, and you may even feel the need to walk away.
Clarify What You Want vs. What You Need in a Relationship
Exercise: one thing you can do if you want to know your needs/wants is if you have been in a relationship before ask yourself what were the main problems in the relationship that you weren’t happy about. If you haven’t been with someone in the past make a list of all the things you’d like in a relationship. After you’ve made the list, ask yourself “How often would I like this thing in my relationship?” Then, ask “If I didn’t get this thing in a relationship how would it make me feel?” And lastly, “Would I feel the need to break up with a person if this need/want wasn’t met?” This will help to understand your needs/wants in a relationship.
Knowing what your non-negotiables are helps you to make compromises that only align with your values.
Exercise: Write down your top 5 non-negotiables in a partner
Stop Settling For Less Than You deserve
The fear of being alone often keeps us in relationships that don’t fulfil us. Many people settle because they’re afraid they won’t find someone who meets their needs. But here’s the truth, the person meant for you will find you. And when they do, they’ll move mountains to be with you.
This is a limiting belief that holds a lot of girls back. I dive deeper into this topic in my blog, Limiting Beliefs: What They Are and How to Overcome Them.” When you carry this mindset, you’ll subconsciously attract men who prove you right. Even if you find a guy who treats you slightly ok but not actually how you want to be treated, you settle because you believe that “men are trash” so now you think he’s the best you’re going to get.
Know that there are healthy masculine men out there. Change your relationship with masculine energy and men by engaging with media where there are healthy relationships. You don’t need to copy those relationships, You just need to know they exist. It’s the perfect time to work on yourself and explore what makes you happy.
Set Boundaries and stick to them
Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to raise your standards in relationships. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about protecting your peace, self-worth, and emotional well-being. When you know your value, you recognise that not everyone deserves access to you, and that’s okay.
Why Boundaries Matter:
If you don’t respect your boundaries, others won’t either. Without clear limits, it’s easy to fall into patterns where people take advantage of your kindness, energy, or time. Boundaries help you filter out relationships that drain you and attract those that nourish and respect you. This can be as simple as choosing not to leave your house after a certain time or choosing to save yourself before marriage.
How to Set Boundaries:
- Know Your Non-Negotiables: Reflect on what’s absolutely important for you in a relationship, whether that’s honesty, respect, shared values, or emotional support.
- Communicate Clearly: Be upfront about your expectations. You don’t need to explain or apologise for your boundaries. A simple, “I’m not comfortable with that,” is enough.
- Stay Firm: It’s normal to feel guilty at first, but remember, people who genuinely care about you will respect your limits. If someone constantly pushes your boundaries, that’s a sign they don’t deserve a spot in your life.
Trust in Timing and Divine Plan
One of the hardest parts of raising your standards in relationships is trusting that what you desire will come to you at the right time. When you start expecting more from your relationships, you might feel lonely or impatient, wondering if you’ll ever find the right person. But trusting in divine timing is key. What’s meant for you will never pass you by, and rushing into the wrong relationship can often delay the blessings that are already on their way.
Why Trusting Timing is Key:
When you trust the process, you’re no longer desperate for validation or companionship. you release the pressure to force things to happen on your timeline and you understand that being alone is better than being in the wrong relationship. This mindset shift allows you to focus on your growth, happiness, and purpose, making you even more aligned when the right person comes into your life.
Remember being alone doesn’t mean you’re incomplete, it means you’re making space for something (or someone) truly worthy of your time and energy.
Practical Ways to Trust the Process:
- Shift Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance:
Instead of thinking, “What if I never find the right person?” remind yourself, “The right person is already written for me by Allah. I’m preparing myself for them.” Trusting in abundance allows you to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. - Embrace Your Growth Journey:
Use this time to deepen your relationship with yourself and with Allah. The more you align with your purpose and values, the more effortlessly you’ll attract relationships that mirror that alignment. - Let Go of the Need to Control:
Surrendering control doesn’t mean giving up—it means trusting that Allah knows what’s best for you, even when you can’t see the full picture. What’s delayed isn’t denied; it’s simply being prepared in the best way possible.
In Islam, trusting Allah’s plan is an essential part of faith (tawakkul). “Allah wrote down the decrees of creation fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth.”In Sahih Muslim (2653). When you raise your standards and trust in divine timing, you’re not just waiting but you’re actively aligning yourself with the best that life has to offer. Explore how God fits into self-development in this podcast episode.
Islamic Perspective on Self-Worth and Standards
In Islam, your worth isn’t something you have to earn, it’s something that’s already been given to you by Allah. You were created with intention, purpose, and so much love. The moment you realise that everything shifts. You stop looking for validation in places that leave you feeling empty, and instead, you start honouring yourself the way Allah intended. I talk a bit more about Allah’s role in self-development in this blog post.
You Are Already Honoured by Allah
Allah tells us in the Quran, “And We have certainly honoured the children of Adam…” (Quran 17:70). That means you, yes, you, were born with honour and dignity. It’s not something you need to prove to anyone, especially not in your relationships. When you settle for less than you deserve, you’re not just selling yourself short, you’re forgetting the incredible worth Allah has already placed within you. You are valuable because He says you are.
You Deserve Relationships That Reflect Your Values
Islam beautifully guides us when it comes to relationships. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If someone whose character and religion please you comes to you with a proposal, marry him…” (Tirmidhi). This doesn’t just have to be about marriage. This teaches you to surround yourself with people whose values align with yours, whether it’s friends, family, or a life partner. You deserve to be around people who respect your boundaries, honour your worth, and help you grow in your faith and personal journey.
At the end of the day, raising your standards isn’t about thinking you’re better than anyone else. It’s about knowing that Allah has already given you value and living in a way that reflects that. When you start seeing yourself through His eyes, you’ll never settle for less again.
Raising Your Standards Means Being the Standard
It’s not just about demanding respect and love—it’s about being that person who reflects those qualities. Be the kind of friend, partner, and individual you’re seeking. The energy you put out will attract people who align with those values.
Final Thoughts – Why It’s Time to Raise Your Standards in Relationships
Raising your standards isn’t about thinking you’re better than anyone else—it’s about knowing that you deserve relationships and experiences that reflect your values, respect your boundaries, and honour your worth. It’s about treating yourself with the same love and respect you expect from others. You can’t carry yourself in a low manner and then expect the world to treat you like royalty.
When you raise your standards, you send a message to yourself and the world: I am worthy of love, respect, and joy. You begin to attract relationships, opportunities, and experiences that align with this mindset. It’s not just about who you let into your life. it’s about how you live your life, how you carry yourself, and how you honour your journey.
Reflective Question:
What’s one area in your life where you’ve been settling for less than you deserve? How can you start to raise your standards in relationships today to align with your true worth?
Start small. Whether it’s setting a boundary, saying no to something that doesn’t serve you, or reminding yourself of your worth, take one step today toward living a life that reflects your highest standards. And remember, Allah has already written your story, trust in His plan and honour the beautiful journey you’re on.
If you’re ready to raise your standards in relationships and need more personal guidance I’ll soon be starting 1:1 coaching calls for you girlies so make sure to keep checking!