This episode was honestly such a nice one, it genuinely felt like a heart-to-heart. I had Sharon (my old school teacher who’s been a teacher for over 20 years) on, and we ended up speaking about so much more than I expected. Like the difference in energy between the UK and the Caribbean, and how going back to places like the Caribbean or Africa can genuinely feel like home in a way you can’t really explain unless you’ve experienced it. Sharon also spoke about being sent back to the Caribbean when she was younger and how that shaped her as a person. We also got into the pressures of being a young girl today — the comparison, the drama in friendships, and even the feeling of having to need to respond or “act up” when people are trying to provoke you — and how all of that links to learning how to be confident in yourself and stop taking things personally.
But one of the biggest things I took from this conversation was learning how to deal with difficult people — especially when people are rude, weird, or trying you. sometimes the most powerful response isn’t to react… it’s simply saying “thank you.” And in this post, I’m going to break down what she meant by that, why it changed my mindset, and what you can take from it too.
The Instant Gratification Generation (And Why It Affects Confidence)
One thing we touched on in this conversation is how much times have changed, and how the youth now have genuinely been dealt a whole different set of cards. Technology has advanced so much that everything is literally at our fingertips. If you want to know something, you can just Google it. If you need help, you can ask ChatGPT. If you want food, you can order it on Uber Eats. If you want something you can’t afford, there’s buy now pay later. Everything is immediate. And because of that, I genuinely feel like people now struggle with delayed gratification more than ever.
But what Sharon said really made me deep it even more, because it’s not just about wanting things quickly — it’s also about how young people have changed socially and emotionally. She said that a lot of young people now struggle with boundaries, personal space, and even basic empathy. And I’m not even saying this from a place of “kids these days” because I’m literally part of the younger generation too. But it’s true. A lot of us are overstimulated, constantly online, and it’s like people have forgotten how to just… be human.
We also spoke about how kids don’t even socialise the way they used to. A lot of people genuinely live their full lives on the internet now. And I was saying how sometimes we forget there’s a whole life outside of it, to the point where some people can’t even fathom what they’d do without social media. It made me realise we should really try to do at least one thing outside of the internet — not even in a dramatic way, but just something that connects you back to real life. Because social media creates a fake barrier. It gives people fake confidence to say things online that they would never say in real life, and it creates a fake reality too. Most of the time people are trying to make their social media life match their real life, but in reality, most people’s online life and real life don’t align at all.
Sharon gave an example that actually stuck with me. She spoke about a boy in her year group who barely speaks, doesn’t really engage in lessons, and doesn’t really converse. When she asked him what he does at home, his answer was basically that he doesn’t game, he doesn’t read, he doesn’t watch Netflix — he just watches TikTok and chats on his phone. That’s it. And I’m not judging him because realistically, that’s a lot of people’s lives now. But it’s scary because if that’s what you’re doing every day, how are you building social skills? How are you learning emotional intelligence? How are you learning how to deal with people in real life? You’re not. And then we wonder why people are anxious, awkward, and emotionally reactive.
Another thing we spoke about is how COVID played a huge role too. I feel like COVID caused a major switch because it made us realise how much can be done online, and yes that was a great realisation in some ways, but it also caused harm. It added to that instant gratification issue, and it also took away a major period of social development for so many kids. A lot of young people missed out on the years where you’re supposed to learn how to make friends properly, how to be around people in real life, how to speak to teachers, how to regulate your emotions, and how to handle conflict. And after lockdown ended, there was no real conversation about what that isolation did to them. Schools didn’t ease kids back into life — it was just straight back to targets, grades, exams, and “catching up” academically. Education is important, but the social and emotional skills that set you up for life were missed out on too, and nobody really spoke about it.
And now we’re seeing the impact. Teachers are dealing with it now, but they’re dealing with it in a system that’s obsessed with results, not wellbeing.
Social Media Is Making Girls Insecure (And Stops You Being Confident in Yourself)
This part of the conversation was honestly sad, but it was also so important because it’s something so many girls are going through right now — and most of them don’t even realise it.
Social media can genuinely be dangerous for young girls because whether you want to admit it or not, you do end up comparing yourself. I remember being younger and thinking I didn’t compare myself, and technically I wasn’t comparing myself to Instagram models or celebrities like that. But subconsciously, seeing other girls my age online still made me think, “Oh…” It’s like you don’t even notice it happening, but it slowly starts planting ideas in your mind about what you should look like, how you should present yourself, and what you need to do to be seen as pretty. And that’s why so many girls struggle to be confident in themselves and stop taking things personally, because you’re constantly measuring yourself against a fake reality.
And the thing is, social media isn’t even real life. But for most people, it takes up such a big chunk of their day that it starts to feel like reality. You go on your phone and you see girls looking gorgeous, Allahumma barik — and there’s nothing wrong with that — but then you try to connect what you’re seeing online to your real life. So now you’re trying to look like this person in real life because you’re seeing them online, forgetting that online is literally a whole separate world. People mostly post when they think they look cute. People rarely post when they feel insecure, tired, messy, or like they look “yucky.” So now you’re watching everyone’s highlight reel and subconsciously thinking you need to look like that every single day… when that’s not even a reality you’re supposed to be chasing.
It’s good to take inspiration, but don’t make it your whole identity. You are already you. You are already pretty. You are already a whole person. And you don’t need social media to validate you for that. If you can feel it doing something to you mentally, I genuinely recommend taking a step back for a while and reflecting. Learn to love yourself as a whole before you start trying to hide yourself or mould yourself into what everyone else is doing.
Sharon also spoke about how girls feel like they need to look a certain way to be liked, and she gave an example that was so real. She mentioned lashes and how girls will literally say things like, “Someone told me I look prettier with them.” And Sharon was basically like… okay, but did they say you were pretty before? Or did they only compliment you once you changed something? Because you were already pretty. The lashes didn’t make you prettier — they just made you look different. And that’s such an important difference that a lot of girls don’t clock.
I fully understood what she meant because I remember being younger and seeing girls my age online with wigs, lashes, nails, makeup, the whole aesthetic. And I’d look at myself and think, “Damn… I look 12.” It’s hard. It really is. Especially when you’re a teenager and you’re still growing into yourself. But the question Sharon asked is the real question: are these girls getting attention for the right reasons?
Because attention is not always a flex. Sometimes attention is literally a trap.
And I really want girls to remember this: attention is cheap. You don’t want people around you who only notice you when you change yourself. You want good, fulfilling people around you who respect you for who you are and how you carry yourself. Sometimes we mistake attention for respect and they are not even remotely the same thing. Attention doesn’t benefit you — it usually benefits someone else’s interest. People looking at you doesn’t automatically mean you’re winning. You have to ask yourself: for what? What do you actually need their attention for? And how is it benefiting you?
And also, people are always going to talk. It’s all opinion-based. You can’t satisfy everyone. So you might as well stand firm in who you are instead of running yourself into the ground trying to meet everyone’s expectations.
Why Friendships in Secondary School Are So Draining
This part of the conversation was honestly so real, because we spoke about something that I feel like every single girl can relate to: how exhausting friendships can be in secondary school.
It’s always “she said”, “he said”, “they said”, “this person told me”, “now we’re not speaking.” And it’s like the smallest thing turns into a whole storyline. One misunderstanding becomes a week-long issue. One comment becomes a full-on friendship breakup. And it’s not even that girls are naturally bad people or anything, but the way friendships work in secondary school can genuinely feel like emotional labour.
Sharon said something that I’ve always noticed too, and when she said it I literally laughed because it’s so true. She was like boys will fight in the morning and by the end of the day they’re friends again. They’ll argue, scrap, shout, and then later they’re outside playing football like nothing happened. But with girls? It drags. There’s always baggage. Even if you’re “cool” again, in the back of someone’s mind it’s still, “I remember what you did.” And honestly… it’s true.
I was saying I think part of the reason it’s like that is because of the importance and expectation we place on friendships as girls. Friendships feel like everything when you’re young. They feel like your whole identity, your whole world, your whole support system. So when something goes wrong, it feels personal. And when you’re in that environment, it becomes so hard to stop taking things personally because everything feels like an attack. But at the same time, I can’t even lie — I don’t know why girls do so much, especially when they first start secondary school. It’s like all of a sudden everyone feels the need to have “beef” with everyone, and now you must have a problem with everything someone does. And it’s honestly childish. In school people need to just go and have fun and give it a break. Not everything is beef.
And the sad part is, so many girls carry that mindset into adulthood — and that’s why so many grown women still struggle with friendships.
Being Alone Is Better Than Being Around People Who Don’t Align With You
Something else we spoke about, and something I know a lot of girls struggle with, is this fear of being alone. A lot of people end up changing themselves for other people, or staying in friendships that don’t even feel real, just because they’re scared of being lonely. And sometimes it’s not even loneliness — sometimes it’s a deep desire to be popular, or to feel chosen, or to feel like you’re part of something. So you stay in fake friendships with people who don’t align with you, people who don’t necessarily want the best for you, and people who honestly don’t even respect you properly.
But I do want to make something clear, because I know how girls can take things. Not everyone who isn’t “your people” is your enemy. It doesn’t always mean beef. It doesn’t always mean drama. Sometimes people just aren’t for you, and that’s literally it. And if we’re being real, that’s a whole other topic by itself.
I also want to say this properly, because I know some girls reading this might genuinely feel lonely or feel like they can’t find their people: you are not alone. I know it can feel like everyone else has their friendship group, everyone else has their girls, everyone else has plans and you’re just… there. But I promise you, sometimes being by yourself is actually a blessing. Because the people around you really do shape your life, and your company matters more than you realise. So instead of filling your life with people just to avoid feeling lonely, it’s better to build and cultivate a beautiful life for yourself. Create your own space, your own routines, your own peace, your own goals — so that when people do come into your life, they’re not completing you, they’re adding to you. This is literally how you start to be confident in yourself — because you learn you don’t need people to validate you.
Also, if you want me to go deeper into this, I actually speak about the importance of friendships properly in my free private podcast episodes. You can sign up and listen — it’s completely free — and the specific episode that links to this is called “Why Being Strict With Your Company Protects Your Peace.” I really think it’ll help if you’re in a season where you’re outgrowing people or you’re struggling to find your tribe.
And the reason I’m even so passionate about this is because I’ve lived it.
This is actually where I really related in the conversation, because I told Sharon how when I started sixth form, I made a decision that I wasn’t going there to force friendships. I wasn’t trying to be popular. I wasn’t trying to attach myself to people just so I didn’t look lonely. I would literally sit by myself, read a book, scroll, do whatever — and I didn’t care. And I’m not saying that to sound tough, because in secondary school that would’ve been my worst nightmare. Back then I would’ve been thinking, “I can’t be alone, people are going to judge me.”
But by sixth form I was like… I actually don’t care.
And what I realised is that being alone is genuinely better than being around people who don’t align with you. Being alone is better than being around people who make you feel drained, small, insecure, or like you have to perform just to be accepted. And it was only when I stopped forcing friendships that I found my real friends — the best friends I’ve ever had. The ones who taught me what friendship is actually supposed to look like.
So if you’re reading this and you’re in a season where you feel like you don’t fit, or you feel like you’re struggling to find your people, I want you to remember this: sometimes that’s not rejection. Sometimes that’s protection.
How to Stop Taking Things Personally: People Have Their Own Story
Now this is where we get into the MAIN thing I want you girls to take from this blog post.
This is the mindset shift that helps you be confident in yourself and stop taking things personally in real life.
Sharon explained something that genuinely changed the way I see difficult people, because she basically reminded me of something we forget all the time: when someone is rude, aggressive, dismissive, or just weird towards you… a lot of the time, it’s not even about you. It’s about them. It’s about their story. Their stress. Their trauma. Their bitterness. Their ego. Their insecurities. And you have to learn how to stop absorbing that.
Because the truth is, you don’t know what’s going on with someone. You don’t know what their day has been like, what they went through at home, how their childhood affected them, or what happened literally three minutes before your interaction that made them act the way they did. So when you choose to look at it like that, it takes away so much stress. You release baggage, and all of a sudden it’s not really that deep anymore… because it was never really your problem in the first place.
And if you take everything personally, you’ll live your life constantly reacting — and that is exhausting.
And so, the more you practise this, the easier it becomes to stop taking things personally, because you stop making everything about you.
Why Saying “Thank You” Helps You Stop Taking Things Personally
Okay now THIS is the part.
Sharon said something that I actually love and I’m going to start applying more, because it’s such a simple mindset shift but it’s so powerful. She said when someone shows you who they are in a difficult moment, you can literally say, “thank you.” Not in a sarcastic way, but in a way that means: thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you for showing me how you handle pressure. Thank you for showing me your character. Thank you for showing me what I’m dealing with.
This is literally what it looks like to be confident in yourself and stop taking things personally — you don’t need to prove anything.
Because now you have clarity.
Now you know how to move with them. Now you know how to protect yourself. And you stop wasting energy trying to prove yourself to people who aren’t even operating from a healthy place.
I feel like this phrase does two things. It shuts people up, and it helps you as well. Because it puts you in a state of gratitude. It forces you to look at the situation like, “What can I learn from this?” instead of spiralling into “they did this, they did that, they’re so wrong.” It brings you back to calm, and in a weird way it helps you reclaim your power in the situation. I’m definitely going to be using it more from now on.
How to Deal With Rude People Without Losing Yourself
This is one of the hardest things as a girl, especially when you’re naturally soft, kind, or empathetic. Because when someone is rude, your first instinct might be to defend yourself, over-explain, prove you’re not what they’re implying, or react emotionally. But Sharon’s mindset is more like: let people reveal themselves.
And honestly? That is strength.
Because when you react, you give them power. But when you stay calm, you keep your power.
It actually reminded me of that Mel Robbins “Let Them” theory, because you genuinely cannot control how someone else is going to move. You can’t control how someone is going to react. But you can control yourself. You can control your response. So if someone wants to act weird or do something disrespectful… let them. It works in your favour because you learn something new. You get to observe instead of react. And you leave the situation with your calm, your power, and your knowledge — and you know how to move next time.
Strength in Silence
There was a part in the conversation where I was saying how in school, if you didn’t retaliate, people would call you boring or act like you’re weak. And Sharon said something that I NEED you girls to remember: there is strength in silence.
Because people will pressure you to react, but they’re not doing it because they care about you. They’re doing it for entertainment — especially in school. People want drama. They want a reaction. They want you to give them something to talk about. And when you don’t give them that reaction, it actually throws them off.
Silence is honestly a powerful weapon when it’s used strategically, and I feel like it’s such an underrated tool. Sometimes it’s genuinely better to just observe, because when you stay calm people start thinking, “Why is she not reacting? Why does she not care?” And I’ve seen it happen so many times — people would get annoyed that I wasn’t annoyed. And in trying to annoy me, they’d just end up annoying themselves… and it’s funny because in all of that, I didn’t even have to do anything. I was just quiet. I just observed.
And I said this in the episode and I’ll say it again here: people will call you names for not reacting. They’ll say you’re boring, or you’re weak, or they’ll try to mock you because you’re not giving them what they want. But watch how they move around you.
They don’t come with the same energy.
Because they know you’re not easy entertainment.
And that’s why I always tell girls: you don’t have to prove you’re strong by being loud. You can be strong and calm. You can be strong and quiet. You can be strong and emotionally disciplined. And even if you don’t get the attention or validation you think you want, you will get respect. People might not show it in what they say to you, but it always shows in how they deal with you — and that matters more than people realise.
The Real Goal: Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin
At the end of the day, everything always comes back to one thing: being okay with yourself.
Because when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, you end up seeking validation, chasing attention, fearing judgement, tolerating disrespect, and reacting to everything. The internet starts to control you more than you realise. Comparison creeps in. You start overthinking how you come across. You start trying to be “likeable” instead of being yourself. And you start giving people access to parts of you that they haven’t earned.
But when you truly know your worth and you’ve accepted yourself, you move differently. You don’t feel the need to prove yourself. You don’t feel the need to argue. You don’t feel the need to perform. You can stay calm, notice people’s behaviour for what it is, and protect your peace without becoming cold or bitter.
And that’s honestly what I want for every girl listening to this — to be confident in who you are, to have self-worth that isn’t based on attention, and to stop letting other people’s moods, opinions, and weird behaviour control how you feel about yourself.
If you haven’t listened to the full episode yet, I’ve linked it at the top of this blog post. It’s available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen. And if this conversation hit home for you and you want to go deeper, my Standing on Business: Wake-Up Call is for the girls who are tired of second-guessing themselves, tired of shrinking, and ready to build real confidence and self-worth. It’s the kind of reset that helps you stop seeking external validation and embody that woman who can walk into a room standing firm in who you are — even when people try you.
Previous blog post/episode here: Women Are Not Your Competition: Comparison & Anxiety (S1:E3)
