How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women — We Can Both Be That Girl

Ramadan Mubarak to my Muslim girls reading this. I recorded this episode while recovering from a cold and fasting, so my energy was softer than usual — but maybe that made it more honest. Four episodes into this season, I felt called to pause and reflect: how to stop comparing yourself to other women. When I introduced this season, I said it would focus on inner work — learning from women, learning from their journeys, and growing in real time. As the episodes unfolded, I noticed one theme quietly following us through nearly every conversation: comparison.

Especially comparison online.

Why We Compare Ourselves to Other Women on Social Media

We live in a time where beauty, lifestyle and confidence are constantly on display. You open TikTok and see a girl fully done up — lashes, nails, outfit, glowing skin — and she looks effortless. Then you look at yourself on a random weekday, in your everyday state, and you begin questioning things. Why don’t I look like that? Why am I not there yet? Why does she seem ahead?

Comparison doesn’t always show up in dramatic ways. It’s often subtle. It’s simply noticing differences — what she has, what you don’t — and slowly allowing that awareness to chip away at your confidence. It can start as inspiration, but without realising it, inspiration can quietly turn into self-criticism.

We compare bodies. We compare personalities. We compare lifestyles. We compare timelines. “She’s 19 and she’s achieved that. I’m still here.” And before we know it, we are measuring our everyday lives against someone else’s highlight reel.

You’re Comparing Your Everyday to Her Highlight Reel

Social media is built on presentation. Filters exist. Editing exists. Angles, lighting, carefully chosen photos — all of it exists. People take dozens of pictures and post one. They share the holiday, not the breakdown. The achievement, not the doubt. And this isn’t about criticising anyone for doing that — it’s natural to want to present your best self.

But it becomes dangerous when we forget that we are not seeing the full picture.

You are looking at your unfiltered, everyday reality — your workdays, your school runs, your quiet moments — and comparing it to someone else’s curated best moments. That is not a fair comparison.

Even the girl you admire is human. She likely has insecurities you know nothing about. She might wake up some days feeling unsure or unmotivated. I’ve had people compliment traits in me that I was internally questioning. It reminded me how easy it is to assume confidence from the outside while someone is still working through things on the inside.

There Is Space for All of Us

One of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve been trying to make is this: another woman shining does not dim you.

Her beauty does not make you less beautiful. Her success does not cancel yours. Her confidence does not threaten your potential. We have been subtly conditioned to believe there can only be one — one standout woman, one “pretty one,” one “successful one.” But that scarcity mindset isn’t truth.

There is space.

When I see another magnetic, confident woman now, I try to reframe my thoughts. Instead of shrinking, I imagine the power of both of us standing fully in who we are. That’s not competition — that’s alliance. We can coexist. We can both win. We can both be “that girl.”

Internal vs External Confidence: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women

This conversation also forces us to question where our confidence comes from.

A lot of us believe we’re confident, but if we’re honest, some of that confidence is built on external validation — compliments, attention, likes, being chosen, being praised. And while those things feel good (and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying them), they cannot be your foundation.

Because if your confidence depends on approval, the moment that approval slows down, so does your self-worth.

Real confidence is quieter. It’s being able to look at yourself and know — not show, not prove, not perform — but know that you are enough. It’s asking yourself: If the compliments stopped, would I still feel secure? Do I actually like who I am right now?

That question is deeper than confidence. It’s about self-acceptance.

Becoming Someone You Love — Not Just Someone Who Gets Approval

There was a time when I was deeply focused on self-improvement. I was building a version of myself I truly admired — and Alhamdulillah, I grew so much. But part of that journey, if I’m honest, involved wanting approval. And while approval can validate progress, it is exhausting if that’s what sustains you.

You cannot build your identity on applause.

So ask yourself: are you becoming her because you genuinely love her? Or because she is praised? It might be a mix of both — and that’s okay — but you need to know your “why.”

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women

Unlearning comparison is a process, but there are practical steps that can help.

1. Audit Your Triggers

First, audit your triggers. If certain accounts consistently make you feel insecure, mute or unfollow them. Curate your feed intentionally. At one point, I realised I was comparing myself to women who didn’t even look like me — different backgrounds, different features, different realities. That’s a losing battle. So I started following women who looked more like me. I found inspiration without self-rejection.

It changed everything.

2. Know Your Strengths

Take time to identify what you genuinely love about yourself — physically and internally. Your smile. Your humour. Your kindness. Your voice. Your resilience. When you know your strengths, you stop searching for them in others.

Own your razzle-dazzle.

3. Shift Comparison Into Curiosity

Instead of asking, “Why am I not her?” ask, “What do I admire, and what does that tell me about what I value?” Maybe you admire her discipline, her confidence, or how loved she seems. That’s information. It highlights areas you may want to grow in. So use it for growth, not self-hate.

4. Practice Coexisting

When you are in a room with someone who makes you feel insecure, choose not to shrink. Stand tall. Be present. Smile. Choose not to compete. Confidence is not about being the only light in the room; it is about knowing your light does not go out when someone else shines. This is a practical way to reflect on yourself and learn how to stop comparing yourself to other women without self-criticism.

You don’t need to dim for her.
She doesn’t need to dim for you.

You can both shine.

And if this is something you’re actively working on — learning how to move with presence, own your space, and carry yourself like “that girl” — I created a free Standing on Business Wake-Up Call to help with exactly that. It’s for the girls who are ready to stop shrinking and start showing up intentionally. You can download it and use it as a reset whenever you need that reminder.

5. Build Internal Validation

Do things because you like them — not because they’re trending. Not because they’ll look good online. Not because they’ll get engagement.

And that’s why taking breaks from social media matters. Because comparison thrives in constant exposure to other people’s lives. So really take the time to question your intention before doing something. Try to understand if it’s something that you really want.

Reflection

We are living in an era where everything feels online. It is almost as if we have two lives — our physical one and our digital one. They overlap, but they are not identical. And yet, we often use someone’s online presence to measure our real-life worth. It feels real, but it is curated. It looks authentic, but it is filtered. That blurred line is exactly why comparison has become so powerful — and so dangerous.

If there is one piece of inner work I have learned so far this season, it is this: unlearning comparison is super important.

You are not behind. You are not lacking. And you do not need to compete with another woman to be valuable.

She is not your competition.

She is your ally.

And we can both be that girl.

If you want to hear me dive deeper into these thoughts, you can listen to the full episode at the top of this blog. And if you’ve been enjoying this season, you might also like some of the other conversations we’ve had so far — the insightful chat with Miss Probett: Women Are Not Your Competition: Comparison & Anxiety, the inspiring reflection with Laiba: How to Change Your Life as a Young Woman, or the honest discussion with Miss Dennis: Be Confident in Yourself and Stop Taking Things Personally. Each episode explores different aspects of growth, confidence, and self-discovery, and I hope they leave you feeling just as seen and supported as today’s reflection.