Let’s have an honest conversation. That belief that “men are trash” — where did it come from? Whether it’s something you’ve said, thought, or just accepted because of what you’ve seen or been through… it’s more harmful than helpful.
The truth is, this belief doesn’t come from nowhere. It often stems from pain, heartbreak, or just seeing one too many toxic relationships play out — online or in real life. But girl, we need to talk about why holding onto it keeps you stuck. If you genuinely want better for yourself, this is the mindset that needs shifting.
Before we dive in, let me make one thing clear: I’m not saying men don’t hurt women. I’m not denying the bad experiences many of us have had. But believing that “all men are trash” is a dangerous mindset that limits your potential for healthy, loving relationships. So let’s break it down and see why you might be stuck in this belief, how it’s holding you back, and what you can do to flip the script.
Where the “Men Are Trash” Belief Comes From
Let’s not lie — the media thrives on negativity. From celebrity drama to toxic love stories, we’re constantly shown examples of men not stepping up. Add that to your own experiences or your friends’ horror stories, and it’s easy to feel like all men are a write-off.
But that’s not the full picture. There are men out there who love properly, respect boundaries, and show up. If you’ve never experienced that, it’s understandable that your guard is up. But painting all men with the same brush doesn’t protect you — it actually limits you.
What This Belief Is Really Doing To You
You Only Look For Poof that you’re right and give your energy to the wrong men
When you hold the belief that all men are trash, your brain starts looking for proof to back it up. Every red flag becomes a reason to say, “See? I knew it.” You end up focused on the negative, and miss out on the positive examples around you.
You could have good men in your life right now — but because you’re expecting the worst, you either don’t see it or you push them away before they get the chance to show you otherwise.
Once you adopt the belief that “men are trash,” it’s easy to start looking for evidence to confirm it. You might find yourself focusing on the negative traits or actions of men, while overlooking the positive ones. This mindset can make it harder to connect with good men around you, as you’ve already convinced yourself that they’re not worth your time or energy.
The effects of this belief go beyond just missing out on good relationships; it distorts your reality. You begin to disregard the efforts that others make, no matter how genuine, because they don’t fit into your negative narrative. Essentially, you’re setting yourself up for failure by ignoring healthy potential relationships and wasting your energy on unhealthy ones.
You Think The Bare Minimum Is Amazing
One of the most damaging aspects of believing that “men are trash” is that it can cause you to lower your standards in relationships. If you think all men are inherently bad, you might start settling for the bare minimum, convincing yourself that any small effort or attention is a step in the right direction.
However, this is not about getting what you deserve. You’re pretty much picking the “least dirty” option, rather than someone who truly respects and values you. This belief can lower your standards and make you think that you can’t do better. The truth is, you can find someone who values you You just have to believe it’s possible for you — and that starts with raising your standards. If that’s something you’re ready for, my free Standing on Business: The Wake-Up Call is the perfect place to start. It’s short, powerful, and made for girls who are done with the bare minimum — and ready to finally start moving like they know their worth.
How The Men Are Trash Belief Affects Your Energy
Whether you realise it or not, what you focus on shapes your reality. If your energy is locked in on finding “what’s wrong with men,” you’ll miss the ones who are actually showing up right. You’ll give your time, thoughts, and even your heart to situations that drain you, not grow you.
But when you shift your energy — and start focusing on yourself, your standards, your healing — you start attracting different types of people. This is something I work on deeply in my 1:1 coaching: not just building awareness, but helping you unlearn the beliefs and patterns that have been dimming your light.
So, How Do You Let Go of This Belief?
Letting go of the “men are trash” narrative isn’t about pretending the bad experiences didn’t happen. It’s about healing from them so they don’t define what you believe is possible.
Here’s how to start:
Start noticing the healthy relationships around you — even if they’re not yours yet. Yes, they exist.
Rewire your thinking. Celebrate when people are treated well. Let that be your new standard. Instead of focusing on the negative, look for positive behaviours, and celebrate them when you see them. This will help you shift your perspective.
Protect your peace. Unfollow pages that glorify drama or toxicity. The media will always amplify the drama. But girl, you don’t have to consume all of that negativity. Protect your mindset by limiting what you watch and engage with.
Surround Yourself With High Standards: Find role models Friends, mentors, or online voices who know their worth and exemplify healthy relationships. They’ll show you what’s possible and give you a real-life example of what respect looks like.
Remember Your Worth: You are worthy of love, respect, and care. When you know your worth, you stop accepting anything less than what you deserve. And that’s how you raise your standards.
Action Steps You Can Take Today
- Take a moment to reflect: Have I been accepting the bare minimum because I don’t believe better exists?
- Stop engaging with people or content that makes you feel like love has to hurt to be real.
- Start affirming: “I am worthy of being loved properly.” Because you are.
- And if you’re ready to take that first real step? Download Standing on Business: The Wake-Up Call — it’s completely free, and it’ll help you realign with your power and start raising your standards properly
It’s easy to fall into the “men are trash” trap — especially when it feels like the norm. But just because something’s common doesn’t mean it’s right. You’re not here to survive relationships. You’re here to thrive in them.
So don’t water yourself down, don’t settle for less, and don’t let someone’s inability to love you properly make you question your worth.
Shift your mindset, reclaim your energy, and start standing on business — because the woman who knows her worth? She moves different.